Episode 1.5: "Hooked on Vonix"

“Yaaahhh!” I screamed as I swung my hammer at this mysterious interloper. I held back when I saw that it was another student, head intact, complete with Buddy Holly glasses and shortly cropped hair. I lowered my hammer.

“What are you doing creeping around in the dark like that? I almost bashed your head in!” I took a deep breath while my heart settled down.

“I’m sorry,” He said as he held his hands out, palms facing me, “I’m not here to hurt you. But I do have one question. That phone you were about to use…is it a Vonix?”

“Yeah, but it’s not mine. I…” He interrupted me by slapping the phone out of my hand and stomping it to shiny black pieces. I stared at him in disbelief. After a few hard stomps, he looked back at me.

“Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing? Now we’re just left with campus rent-a-cops!” I nodded towards the security phone booth. The guy caught his breath and removed his glasses. Squinting as he wiped them off with his sleeve, he replied, “I’m saving your life!” which was not the response I was expecting.

“What, from Shawn’s phone? I think I could have handled a Blackberry, dude.” He put his glasses back on.

“That,” he paused for emphasis, “was no Blackberry. You don’t know what’s going on, do you?” I guess he had me there.

“Apart from some freaky mutants eating their way out of people’s heads, I really don’t know what’s going on. Enlighten me…” I extended my hand, gesturing for him to tell me his name.

“Oh. I’m Jeff. Jeff Wiggins.” We shook hands.

“I’m Marla Killian.”

“Charmed. Listen,” he began, “Those things, whatever they are…well they were implanted into peoples’ heads via Vonix Smartphones.” I looked at him incredulously, trying to visualize how that would even work.

“How would that even work?” I asked him sharply. I don’t know why I bothered raising an argument on the subject. I guess parasitical cell phone waves are as good an explanation as any for this mess.

“I have some ideas. And I guarantee that if we search the pockets of every headless corpse on campus, we’d find a Vonix phone. They’ve been planning this for years now…just waiting for the right moment.”

“Who’s been planning what? Explain it to me like I have no idea what you’re talking about. Which I don’t.” Jeff let out a nasally sigh and rubbed his temples, which I automatically took to be a sign that he was a student of the computer sciences.

“In short…aliens are behind this. They manufactured these phones to somehow electronically transmit a microscopic embryo that grows into the things that we’ve been seeing emerge from peoples’ heads. They played upon our weakness for phone gadgetry, and we have paid dearly for it.” Since I really had no explanation for what was going on, I felt like I had to take Jeff’s idea until a more practical one came along.

NEXT:
"JEFF'S WEIRD PLAN"

Episode 1.4: "The Wrong Button"

“Shawn? Shawn are you there? There’s all kindsa crazy shit goin’ on ‘round here! Heads blowin’ up and shit! Shawn!” It continued, and I felt obligated to talk to this lady. I was, after all, about to use her dead acquaintance’s hammer and cell phone to help prolong my own life.
“Yes, hello?” I said calmly.
“Who in the hell is this? Where’s Shawn? Don’t make me cut yo’ ass! Speak up!” I tried to remain calm.
“Yes, my name is Marla, and I have some…well, bad news about…Shawn, was it?”
“Shawn? You seen him? Tell him to get his ass home! They’s heads blowin’ up and shit all over down here!”
“That’s the thing, ma’am. Shawn’s…well, his head has blown up too. I wasn’t going to answer, but I hit the wrong button and…”
“What? Shawn! Shaaaaawwn! Noooo!” I held the phone away from my ear to help mute the sound. Suddenly, I heard a digitized version of the sound Professor Burbidge’s head made when it blew up, and the conversation ended. I clutched Shawn’s hammer in my hand, and put his phone in my bag. I hadn’t ever told a person that someone they cared about has died. There was a sick feeling in my stomach, and a cold sweat had slithered its way across my skin. I heard the mutant scream, but this time it was answered by yowls and screeches from different parts of the building. My heart pounded as I visualized one of these things slithering out of a vent above me and sinking its teeth into my skull, and I got the hell outside.
Campus has always been a bit creepy at night, and given the circumstances, it was downright terrifying. I jumped whenever the old pines and birches shook their branches in the wind, and my mind started to see shadows moving in and out of the corners of my eyes. I noticed the dull blue glow of a nearby campus security phone booth, which I’d always secretly wanted to use (not to report a rash of head-mutilating creatures that were running amok on campus, however). I was tempted by this sudden emergency, but I decided that given the gravity of the situation, campus police just wasn’t going to cut it. I pulled out Shawn’s cell phone and started to dial 911 when something grabbed my shoulder.

Episode 1.3: "Scavenging"

I must have been MIA for awhile, because it had gotten dark outside. My dick classmates just left me on the floor, pathetically covered in Professor Burbidge’s brains. I dragged my hands across my face and ran them through my hair, trying to get as much of the gunk off as I could. When my head stopped buzzing, I stood up and collected my things. The classroom looked like…well, it looked like a mutant creature blew up a college professor’s head and the students reacted accordingly. Desks were overturned, textbooks and notebooks were scattered across the floor, and there was a good amount of blood smeared all over the front of the classroom. I thought of the mutant, and my body stiffened slightly. Was it still in the room with me? I cautiously approached the remains of Professor Burbidge. There was a long crimson streak on the floor that led from Professor Burbidge’s neck to the door.

“I’ll miss your class, Professor Burbidge,” I blurted out, as if the guy still had a head, “Sorry about what happened. I don’t imagine you wanted to die like this. It’s kind of exposing to have everyone see what the inside of your head looked like. Anyway, I’ll do my best to avenge you. Don’t expect much though. I’m not a great writer, and I’m sure as hell not prepared to kill whatever did this to you. But I’ll try.”

I left his headless body and walked towards the door, gripping the strap of my bag tightly just in case I needed it to flail at the dreaded mutant. The door creaked slightly and I stepped out into the fluorescent-lit hallway of Milton Bennion Hall. As gross as the classroom looked when I left, nothing could have prepared me for the scene of horror and violence that awaited me outside.

Several more headless bodies were sprawled across the hallway. Gallons of blood had gathered into tidepools where the floor was uneven, and it had been spattered across the white brick walls like a Jackson Pollock painting. The sweetly metallic smell of it stung my nose as I tried to avoid stepping in anyone’s fluids while I made my way outside. A mutant screech echoed from somewhere else in the building, and it was a bit too close for my liking. I held up my backpack, facing the impending reality that I was in danger, and a damn backpack wasn’t going to be able to protect me. I looked around the hallway for anything I could use as an improvised weapon. Really, anything hard or sharp would be more effective than a leather bag containing two textbooks.

I wasn’t having much luck until I noticed some legs wearing brown Timberlands, now spotted with blood, sticking out from beneath the body of a girl wearing scrubs. A surge of adrenaline pulsed through me as I remembered seeing a maintenance guy wearing these on campus a few times. I thought he was stupid for paying $150 for Timberlands and then actually working in them, and he and his tool belt stuck in my memory.

As respectfully as I could, I rolled Scrub Girl’s body off of the mystery legs, which revealed the previously mentioned tool belt attached to Timberland Guy’s waist. I removed a claw hammer from its holster and felt slightly more confident in defending myself against the evil that had besieged the campus. Not much more confident, however, because I dropped my weapon as soon as I heard Timberland Guy’s cell phone blare out a refrain of “Yeah” by Lil’ Wayne. This made me remember a horrifying detail about today, and that detail was that I left my cell phone at home. Damn. That’s what I get for trying to be a more respectful student in class. The thought of outside contact made me realize that I hadn’t really considered the scope of my situation. Were people’s heads blowing up all across the state? The country? The world? Timberland Guy’s phone kept ringing, and I decided that I’d need a cell phone, at least to contact the police. I removed Timberland Guy’s phone from his back pocket, and instead of hitting the “silence Lil’ Wayne” button, I pushed the “Hello, who is it?” button. As a result of my unfamiliarity of these cool new Vonix Smartphones, I was greeted with the shrill voice of a hysterical woman.

NEXT:
"CONTACT"


The Bug: "Catch a Fire"

Episode 1.2 "Brains Are A Lot Harder Than You'd Think"

When whatever this thing was turned to face us, I could see what it’s arms were busy with. They were busy stuffing Professor Burbidge’s brain into its Predator-esque jaws, which also revealed the origin of the terrible slurping sounds that the creature was making. I remained frozen in place, but my rebellious, thrill-seeking eyes hopped around the classroom searching for some new form of grotesquerie. Jerry, who works at Whole Foods, puked all over his desk and passed out, letting his dirty-blond dreadlocks sop up the pool of vomit that he had produced. Jin and Han, the foreign exchange students, were holding onto each other as if Jin was trying to incorporate Han into his own body. Whitney and Haley, who always wear sweat pants with the words “juicy” or “pink” written across their asses leapt up and ran out of the room, their screams echoing down the hall. Everyone else was either trying to get cleaned up or huddled in the back of the room, afraid to see what fresh heaps of weirdness were in store for them.

As I was observing how the chaos affected my classmates, I heard a hellish noise from the front of the class. It was an unholy union of a dial-up modem struggling to connect and long, jagged nails scraping down a chalkboard. I turned to look at the creature just in time to see Professor Burbidge’s half-gnawed brain for a split second as it splattered into my face. Quick note: Brains are lots harder than you’d think. Also, I’m pretty sure I got some in my mouth. I don’t know if it was the impact of a brain hitting me in the face or a safety mechanism that my body employed when it couldn’t handle anymore batshit craziness, but I blacked out.

NEXT:

"MARLA GETS A CLAW HAMMER"

Oingo Boingo: "Grey Matter"