Episode 1.6: "Jeff's Weird Plan"

“Those Vonix phones were popular,” I added, “Lots of little mutants running around now, I guess.” Jeff nodded his head.

“Exactly. You know what this means, don’t you?”

“I guess it means that I’m glad I could never afford one. And hopefully someone on campus police couldn’t afford one either. Let’s try to call over there.”

“Pointless,” Jeff responded, “It’s already too late. We’re done. Humanity is done.”

“Let’s not jump to that conclusion yet, Jeff. I’m sure the government is dispatching experts to mop this up as we speak.” He did that nerd thing they do when they look at you over their glasses that have slid too far down their noses.

“Our government? Helping out in a crisis? You are obviously unaware of the teensy incident involving a huge hurricane and New Orleans. If you think our government is doing anything but trying to figure out how they can make money off of this, then you’re completely ignorant, and I may not want to father the next human race with you.”

“Okay, first of all, I’ll bet you’ve never been to New Orleans. You’ve just jumped on the same hipster, anti-government bandwagon that everyone’s on. And second, I’ll bet you’ve got your share of student loans and…hold on, did you say something about fathering something? And did that somehow involve me?”

“Yes, I did. It did. I was hoping to find someone with more intelligence, but you’ll have to do.” I folded my arms tightly as I assessed this strange turn of events.

“Are you…are you being serious? Or are you just trying to lighten the dismal mood by saying something incredibly stupid?” Jeff put his hands in the front pockets of his hoodie.

“I’m very serious. We’re looking at the end of the human race as we know it. You and I will retreat into the mountains. They won’t find us there. Once we are successfully hidden, we will focus on repopulating the planet. It’s our genetic responsibility.” My stomach wrenched itself into a knot and my throat went dry; the same sensations I get moments before vomiting.

“Hate to wreck your plan there, Jeff, but there’s no way that’s going to happen. At least not with me, anyway. Best of luck finding yourself a baby maker, though. I’ll just…um…be on my way then.”

“I’m afraid I can’t risk that, Marla,” Jeff produced a Glock from his hoodie and cocked it, “It’s for the future of our species.” He pointed the gun at me. I guess it’s a sign of the times when the first person you meet during Armageddon is a guy like Jeff.

NEXT: "MARLA GETS FREAKY"