“Give me the phone, Veronica. I have an idea.” She handed back my phone without looking at me fingers still massaging her eyeballs. I figured that the one person least likely to be affected by a technologic uprising would be Grandma Valya. Not only did she mistrust any piece of technology that wasn’t available in Communist Russia, she lived fifteen minutes away. She’s going to give me her special blend of Slavic-Jew grief for only calling when I need something, but given the choice between a scathing guilt trip or death at the place of my employment, it was a no-brainer. I dialed my grandma and prepared myself.
“‘Allo?” her husky Russian accent was disarmingly comforting at this particular moment in time.
“Baba Valya? It’s Irochka! How are you?” I shot an embarrassed look at Veronica as I revealed Grandma Valya’s pet name for me, but she was too busy jamming her fingers in her eyes to notice.
“Ah! Irochka! So long since your last call. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“It’s good to hear from you too, babushka. Um…listen, I’m kind of in trouble right now and…”
“Irochka,” She cut me off abruptly, “Have you seen the news? The scientists in…New…New Mexico think they have gotten a message from the…how do you say it? Kosmos? Very interesting, Irochka.” My grandma. Whenever something nerdy happens, she automatically thinks that I’ll find it absurdly interesting.
“Wow! That’s great, grandma!” I did my best to feign politeness given the dire circumstances within which I have found myself, “Hey listen, could you do me a favor?” I winced as I asked this question. For a brief millisecond, I seriously reconsidered taking my chances with the self-aware supercomputer.
“Irochka, Irochka…” Out come the wolves. I can almost see the white-blond bun of her hair bobbing back and forth as she shakes her head in disappointment. “Five years we’ve lived in the same state, and you only come to see your lonely babushka on the holidays? You only call when you need a favor? So much did your dedushka and I sacrifice to bring your mother to this country, only to have a grandson who won’t even come by for dinner? Oi, bozhe moi…” My grandma’s scolding was interrupted by an unexpectedly loud click-clack. Veronica and I looked up to see additional metal grilles descend from the ceiling and lock themselves into the floor. Veronica’s eyes widened. We were completely caged in.
I slowly brought my phone back up to my ear, “…and when I call you, it’s always work, work, work. It’s not good for a young boy like you to work so much. When do you have time to meet a girl, Irochka? When do…” It killed me to do it, but I rudely interrupted my grandmother.
“Baba, listen,” I gasped, “I’m really, really sorry to interrupt you, but I’m in a very dangerous place right now, and I need you to drive to Omni-Com where I work and pick me and my friend up!”
“Irochka, you are in danger?”
“Yes! Yes babushka! Can you please help me?”
“Oh bozhe! I’m coming, Irochka.” I put my phone back in my pocket and wiped the sweat from my hands.
“Okay. My grandma is on her way.”
“Your…your grandma? Did you just say you called your grandma?”
“Yeah…?”
“Dammit, Ira! Did you actually think about this plan? All you’ve done is thrown one more person into a dangerous situation. How in the hell is involving your grandmother going to help us in any way, shape, or form?” I paused to consider this question.
“There was this one time when I was a kid. I had begged my dad to drive one of these new ATV’s that our family had bought. There’s no way I was old enough, but my dad gave in. He figured that our back yard was safe enough, you know? Anyway, I was doing fine until took a sharp turn on a slope and the ATV flipped over on me. I thought it was over, but it seemed like as soon as the ATV crashed, it was being lifted off of me. It…it was my grandma. She’s like, ninety pounds, but she was lifting this big ol’ ATV off of me. This…kind of feels like a similar situation.” Veronica stared at me with that searching, analytical gaze that I’d seen several times now.
“Well, if we’re waiting, let’s move closer to the door so she can see us.” The Omni-Com atrium was a wide, circular expanse. It had a hospital feel to it, and the silence was unnerving. Veronica and I sat down on the floor and I made a few feeble attempts at small talk. She was preoccupied, to say the least. I could almost hear her synapses firing.
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